Protect an endangered species: the Wild Woman

“Within every woman there is a wild and natural creature, a powerful force, filled with good instincts, passionate creativity, and ageless knowing. Her name is Wild Woman, but she is an endangered species. Though the gifts of the wildish nature come to us at birth, society’s attempt to “civilize” us into rigid roles has plundered this treasure, and muffled the deep, life-giving messages of our own souls. Without Wild Woman, we become over-domesticated, fearful, uncreative, trapped.”

Clarissa Pinkola Estes in Women Who Run with the Wolves

A native of the Great Lakes region, Dr. Estes (quoted above) began to formulate her ideas as a child, watching her mother put on a girdle and totter to church in uncomfortable shoes. She compared this with the bold female creatures she saw in nature and found something lacking in the worldview of women she was seeing at home.

She studied psychology and myths about women to see where women were being lead from their natural instincts.

One of the myths Estes discusses in her famous book is that of Blue Beard. A young girl who has no decent father figure (her father has been sent off to a long drawn out war) becomes attracted a wealthy older man with a strange blue beard. Besides his unsettling looks, he’s had several wives who disappeared mysteriously. She downplays these omens and marries him after a whirlwind courtship. After the wedding, he tells her that she must never look into a certain room in the house. Of course, she does when he is away and finds the bodies of his other wives.

Many things went wrong for this innocent young woman who rushed into a relationship and ignored warning signs. A woman in Iowa City recently became the state’s latest murder victim after failing to heed her friend’s warnings. (See below for warning signs.)

Like the mythical young girl, real people get caught in a relationship trap and go against their natural instincts quite easily if they feel devalued. People can devalue themselves if they aren’t rich, young, skinny, and in some cultures chaste and innocent. I know a girl in Pella who was told that a romantic kiss before marriage would make one impure. As wacky as that may seem it’s only the tip of the iceberg. Innocence worship is so out of proportion in places in the world that people will devalue and then kill their daughters if they have had their honor breached. These horrible crimes which often go unprosecuted are called Honor Killings. Honor is a broadly used term here. Young women have been killed because a photo of them was seen on a man’s cell phone or a song was dedicated to them on the radio.

Innocence is so prized in Iraq these days that women don’t even dare go outside for fear of losing it and possibly even their lives. Sadly, getting rid of Saddam Huissan has made things much worse.

“Even under Saddam, women in Iraq …were widely recognized as among the most liberated in the Middle East. They held important positions in business, education and the public sector, and their rights were protected. But since the 2003 invasion, advances that took 50 years to establish are crumbling away. In much of the country, women can only now move around with a male escort. Rape is committed habitually by all the main armed groups, including those linked to the government. Women are being murdered throughout Iraq in unprecedented numbers.”

The black and white thinking that goes into worshiping innocence and keeping women at home cowering in fear is very harmful psychologically to both the victim and the perpetrator. Let’s face it; worshipping innocence in women is a recipe for disaster for society and its children. Society needs wild women. Women who have no clout in society cannot protect their children. When they are dominated by cultural norms they aren’t even as womanly as female animals. They have in fact, lost the very thing that characterizes mammal mothers, which is the instinct to protect their families.

To quote Dr. Estes “Healthy … Wolves and women are relational by nature, inquiring, possessed of great endurance and strength. They are deeply intuitive, intensely concerned with their young, their mate, and their pack… A healthy woman is much like a wolf: robust, chock-full… life-giving.”

Here in the US honor killings are rare. But women can get talked into things that make them psychologically unhealthy. They might believe that they deserve to be beaten. Some innocent women get talked into having more children than they can care for, endangering their mental health, their children and the planet. In fact, unusually large families are more likely to be abusive. On the opposite end of the spectrum, women get abortions in desperation. Or get talked into silly things like uncomfortable fashions or not kissing (or getting to know someone) before marriage. None of this would be supported by a healthy natural instinct.

I’m not saying that for Valentine’s Day you should run around outside naked in a pack and howl at the moon to celebrate your inner wild child. However, as the holiday of love comes around, we might want to nurture those inner wild instincts by hanging out with a pack of strong friends who have virtues such as honesty, wisdom and experience. We might even want to look for people who are nurturing, inventive, inquiring, robust and willing care for the Earth and its inhabitants. And if you encounter a black and white thinker or a Blue Beard spouting nonsense to try to tame you and trap you, follow your wolf sense and run for the hills.

15 Signs of an Abusive Relationship

1) A push for quick involvement

2) Jealousy

3) Controlling behaviors

4) Unrealistic expectations

5) Isolation

6) Blames others for problems and mistakes

7) Makes everyone else responsible

8) Hypersensitivity

9) Cruelty to animals and children

10) “Playful” use of force

11) Verbal abuse

12) Rigid sex roles

13) Sudden mood swings

14) Past battering (of you or others)

15) Threats of violence

http://date.lifetips.com/cat/23706/warning-signs/

More Tips on Bad Valentines

http://www.mental-health-matters.com/articles/article.php?artID=157

help line

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

Iowa City victim

http://www.gazetteonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080205/NEWS/588589763/1001/NEWS

Women who run with the wolves

http://www.radiancemagazine.com/issues/1994/wolves.html

http://homestar.org/bryannan/estes.html

Bluebeard

http://www.docspond.org/Articles/Bluebeardarticle.html

Healthy self-image

http://www.aboutourkids.org/articles/how_raise_girls_healthy_selfesteem

Honor Killings

http://www.jihadwatch.org/dhimmiwatch/archives/005893.php

http://www.jihadwatch.org/archives/019416.php

http://www.madre.org/articles/int/honorcrimes.html

http://www.hinduonnet.com/2006/11/16/stories/2006111604931000.htm

Iraq

http://www.stophonourkillings.com/index.php?name=News&file=article&sid=2248

http://www.vday.org/contents/vday/vcampaigns/amea/iraq

A modern day Blue Beard…or maybe just a very bad Valentine

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/01/26/exwellpoint-exec-accused_n_83361.html

Perils of black and white thinking

http://www.drgingerblume.com/scripts_black_white.htm

http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/Understanding_Depression/all_nothing.htm

http://www.askrealjesus.com/Q_OVERCOMEEGO/LEASTEGO/leastego5.html

Dominance damage

http://www.womansavers.com/relationship-articles.asp?a=192

Being dominating can cause depression in men

http://books.google.com/books?id=UvAZD45BMDoC&pg=PA138&lpg=PA

138&dq=dominating+men+and+depression&source=web&ots=UIh2_MPZ&sig=FlsS7REG0yupCBtYrL296iHcvXs

http://www.wowessays.com/dbase/af5/dtb8.shtml

Too many kids, abuse and not enough information